


Snow Leopards Don't Cry

by mismatched_ideas



Series: It's Easier With You [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Canon Divergent, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, I fixed the tags, M/M, Minor OC - Freeform, also, and like a bit of angst, anxious yuuri, bisexual yurio, gay chris, like mostly fluff, obviously, viktor has high functioning anxiety, yurio is basically their son, yurio's grandpa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-07 01:45:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8778187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mismatched_ideas/pseuds/mismatched_ideas
Summary: Yuuri Katsuki and Viktor Nikiforov are living happily in New York City, both having retired after Yuuri's second Grand Prix win. Now they both spend their days coaching at a nearby ice rink. They have, all around, the best life they could have asked for.On a snowy February Yuuri is having a lazy self-care day while Viktor is at a competition with some of the older skaters at their rink. A sudden knock at their apartment door, though, leads to a change in plans.





	1. Snow in Late February

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Caroline](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caroline/gifts), [alison](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alison/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This is my fist fic at all and I'm a little nervous, since I've never felt comfortable working with characters who weren't my own. But this show has changed me in so many ways and I feel I need to at least try to add something to this community!  
> This show has actually changed my life and I just hope I can do it justice!  
> This first chapter is pretty short since I should be studying...
> 
> 2/26/16 - Time to begin the editing process

The apartment was warm against the cold February outside, winter throwing one bout of snow back into The American Northeast. The apartment was home to many living things: plants, pets, and people. The plants cover more surfaces than were probably necessary, or safe, but their caretakers found they couldn’t help themselves whenever they saw cute potted flowers or a tiny cactus. 

The home was well furnished, a side effect of the money both inhabitants had. Then again, you had to have money if you were able to afford this nice of an apartment in New York City. On a puffy and comfortable couch a man was laying with a dog on top of him, the man scrolling mindlessly through his various social media accounts. 

His black hair was messy, he hadn’t brushed it at all today, and it was starting to get long. He’d been thinking about cutting it soon, but part of him thought it would be interesting to see what he looked like with long hair. 

Yuuri Katsuki let out a short, quiet laugh at the thought of himself with long hair. Even he couldn’t imagine it but he sort of wanted to see how Viktor would react if Yuuri pretended he was going to grow his hair out. That thought brought a smaller, content smile to Yuuri’s face because he was pretty sure no matter what Viktor actually thought, he’d try and support whatever Yuuri wanted to try. He’d supported him the best he could since the day he announced his plans to become Yuuri’s coach and Yuuri was sure that would never change. 

Seeing a post from Chris’ birthday, him and his boyfriend looked happy, Yuuri sighed and laid his phone onto his chest. His birthday had only been a couple of months ago, his twenty-seventh, and it was still hard to believe. Not that he had gotten so old so fast, but that it had been so long since Viktor came into his life. Yuuri was the same age as Viktor was then and that thought alone was strange. Viktor had seemed more affected by that fact, which Phichit had been kind enough to point out at Yuuri’s party, and since then had started growing his hair out again. Yuuri wasn’t sure whether that was because he was hoping to look like his younger self or because he was still worried about thinning hair. Yuuri told him again and again his hair was not thinning, he was 31 not 51, but that did nothing to help Viktor’s fear. 

Yuuri picked his phone back up and checked the time, wondering how the competition was going. Normally Yuuri went to their students’ competitions but today was one of those days when he needed to be away from the crowds. Viktor was always understanding and gave Yuuri room, or didn’t if Yuuri needed someone to be there for him. It was one of the things Yuuri loved about Viktor. He wasn’t always the best at dealing with Yuuri’s anxiety but he tried his best and took to heart any lessons Yuuri taught him. 

A picture came in from Viktor and Yuuri smiled, unlocking his phone to see that one of the kids they’d both coached had won their first medal. It was only third place, but Yuuri’s chest still swelled with pride at the sight of how excited the kid was to wear that third place medal. Yuuri wished he could have been there, but sometimes competitions were just too much for him. At the first Grand Prix he’d gone to postretirement Yuuri had fallen into a panic attack the moment they reached the crowds. He’d not been able to see any of the short programs but he had been able to watch the free programs. Yurio had done well, coming in second. He’d recently had a growth spurt and hadn’t had much time to deal with the height he’d gained. He’d grown to be as tall as his grandfather, still falling just short of Viktor’s height. This fact seemed to irritate Yurio to no end. Yuuri’s face fell into an amused grimace, thinking about how nice it was when Yurio was shorter than him. Now Yurio liked to remind Yuuri about how much taller he was every time they saw each other. 

Yuuri let out a sigh, remembering that Yurio’s birthday would be coming soon and that him and Viktor still hadn’t decided on a gift. It was hard to shop for someone who didn’t want much and when he did want something he just bought it. And the only things Yurio seemed to like were cats and animal prints, other than food but it was sort of hard to get food for someone who lived in another country. Yuuri hated to over buy the things someone liked and so really wanted to get Yurio something more meaningful than another leopard print jacket or some silly cat related gift. When Yurio turned eighteen last year Yuuri and Viktor had taken him out to a shelter and paid the fees for him to adopt another cat. The face Yurio gave Yuuri and Viktor when the three of them arrived at the shelter had almost killed Yuuri; it was just too precious. That kid really did love cats.

A knock at the front door jolted Yuuri from his own mind, his sudden movement sending Makkachin off the couch.

“Sorry, Makkachin.” Yuuri stood, wondering who it could be. Not just anyone could get up to their apartment without being rung in by him or Viktor, and very few of them would show up unannounced. 

“Phichit.” Yuuri thought with a lopsided smile, “He must have shown up again.”  
Yuuri worried briefly about whether Phichit was dressed properly for the snow outside, which was still coming down hard. 

“Phichit, what are you…” All words fizzled from Yuuri’s mouth when he opened the door. Instead of Phichit’s smile and loud voice Yuuri was met with something completely different. 

The young man’s hair was plastered against his face and his clothes were soaked through. He carried no luggage and looks very much like a stray kitten even if he was not a child anymore. He sneezed and, suddenly, the spell was broken. It was only then that Yuuri found his voice.

“Y– Yurio?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next part may take a little since finals week is coming up so I'm sorry if this doesn't update for a little bit!  
> Thank you for reading!


	2. No Where Left to Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive me, this isn't edited at all. I'll edit this and chapter 1 once I'm done with finals 'cause damn am I too tired and anxious to reread my own writing right now.

Yuuri sat in the kitchen, his hand scratching Makkachin’s head absentmindedly. He was waiting for Viktor to get home, wondering if maybe he should call. There was a good chance of some sort of celebration for the student who won. Yuuri didn’t want to ruin the party by worrying Viktor with a call but he was also very worried.

Following the initial shock of seeing Yurio at their front door, Yuuri managed to regain his composure just as Yurio politely asked to come inside. Yurio then managed to answer almost none of Yuuri’s questions. All Yuuri had been able to get out of him was that he didn’t have an luggage and that he was tired.

After getting him into some dry clothes, Yurio made a snide comment about Viktor’s fashion sense, Yuuri had pelted the young man with questions. Yurio withstood every question with either a polite non-answer or with silence. It wasn’t long before the blond drifted off to sleep, obviously very tired from his trip, and Yuuri had left him on the coach after throwing a blanket over him. 

The tapping of Yuuri’s foot was speeding up with each minute he sat in the quiet apartment, deciding whether he should call Viktor. Or maybe he should try to contact someone who might know why Yurio was here. It worried Yuuri because while fifteen year old Yurio might have done something rash like fly to America on a random whim, he’d mostly grown out of that behavior. The past few years had really calmed Yurio down. He was still fouled mouthed, loud, and occasionally rude but significantly less so. 

The sound of keys in the front door sent Yuuri off his chair and towards the entryway, Makkachin letting out a small whine when Yuuri’s hand disappeared before trotting after him to see who was at the door. 

“I’m home!” Viktor shouted before Yuuri could quiet him down. Seeing the frantic look in Yuuri’s eyes Viktor slipped his shoes off and dropped his bags. He pressed a small kiss into Yuuri’s lips before addressing the worry buzzing around his husband. “What’s wrong?”

“Umm… Well…” He didn’t want to just drop this onto Viktor without warning but there really wasn’t any other way to do it. “We have a… visitor?” 

“Who…?” Viktor couldn’t think of who could make Yuuri look so concerned. 

Instead of an answer, Yuuri lead Viktor into the living room and pointed at the young man. Yurio was still fast asleep, one hand cradling his head while the other was clenched into a fist against his chest. His legs were half curled, his shins laying against the back of the coach. He looked so strange in Viktor’s clothes, which were just barely too big for him. He didn’t quite look like a child wearing his parent’s clothes, maybe more like a kid wearing his brother’s hand-me-downs. 

Viktor’s face went through several emotions, confusion and concern chief among them, before dragging Yuuri back into the kitchen.

“Why is Yurio sleeping in our living room?”

Yuuri shrugged, “He wouldn’t tell me why he was here. He just knocked on the door and asked to come inside.” Concern played across the younger man’s face, “He doesn’t have luggage. I don’t even know if he has his phone with him, he never took it out and I never heard it make any noise.” The young blond rarely went anywhere without his phone and almost never turned it off. “Do you know anyone we could call?”

“I can call Yakov–” Viktor paused when Yuuri shook his head. “Mila then?”

“No Viktor, I meant his family.” Viktor never talked about his own family and Yuuri had never met them. It seemed natural to Yuuri to think of family first, but he often forgot that wasn’t true for Viktor. 

“Oh.” Viktor thought for a moment before shaking his head. “I’ve met his grandfather but I don’t have any way to contact him. I don’t know about the rest of Yurio’s family. Hey,” Viktor rested his hand lightly onto Yuuri’s cheek. “You shouldn’t worry so much, we’ll figure out what’s going on. Yurio’s a big boy and I’m sure he’s fine.”

Yuuri leaned into Viktor’s touch with a sigh, “I know this just isn’t like him. He’s done rash things in the past, but that was years ago. And you should have seen him when I opened the door, he was soaked and looked so lost. I thought he might be hurt at first.” 

Yuuri felt tears prick the back of his eyes because, honestly, he’d been pretty scared that there was something very wrong. There might still be, but he guessed Yurio wouldn’t have fallen into such a comfortable sleep if he wasn’t at least a bit okay. With angry motions, Yuuri rubbed at his eyes while telling his anxiety to shut up for just a little longer. He’d already been in a bad place this morning and now he couldn’t stop worrying about Yurio.

“Yuuri…” Viktor wrapped his arms around Yuuri’s shoulders, pulling the shorter man close. Yuuri pressed his face into Viktor’s shoulder, breathing as deeply and as slowly as he could. “We’ll figure it out. If something was really wrong someone would have called us already to see if we knew anything.”

“Yah,” Yuuri agree, silently begging his body to stop pumping adrenaline into his veins. One of the many things Yuuri hated about his anxiety was the fact that it always felt like when things went wrong someone ended up comforting him. It felt so much like making the issue about him. Of course, he was pretty sure nobody else saw it like but that wouldn’t stop his anxiety from telling him otherwise. “I hope so.”

The sound of something hitting the ground, followed by loud Russian cursing, snapped them both back to the issue at hand. Makkachin ran out of the kitchen and soon Yurio could be heard cursing again.

“Get off of me, stupid dog!” The young Russian shouted in his native tongue, much to Viktor’s amusement. 

“Yurio.” Viktor called in the sing-songy voice he used when he wanted to know something that he wasn’t being told. Yuuri rarely heard that voice anymore and was glad for it, it made him realize how far the two of them had come. Even if they didn’t talk about everything, Viktor had yet to tell Yuuri much about his childhood and what his life was like before skating, they had still come so far and some secrets were okay. They were comfortable. 

Viktor sat down in one of the two armchairs, leaning forward to look at Yurio who was trying to push Makkachin off his chest. The dog was licking the blond as if he wasn’t shouting and trying to escape.

“Makkachin.” Yuuri called and the dog relented, plotting over to Yuuri who pet the dog’s head while watching the two Russians look at each other in silence. 

“What do you want, old man?” Yurio asked, leaning his back against the couch but not leaving the floor. 

“You’re the one who showed up on our doorstep so I think I get to ask the questions.” Viktor’s smile never left his face. “And you gave Yuuri quite the scare by showing up so suddenly.”

Yurio curled his legs up to his chest, his arms holding them tightly together while he stared at his knees. Sitting like that Yuuri thought he looked so much younger. His hair, longer than last time Yuuri had seen the young man but not exactly long, fell so his entire face was hidden.

“Yurio…?” Yuuri started to ask, worry creasing his face.

“Can I train with you guys?” Yurio asked suddenly, his voice partially muffled by his knees. 

“Did you fight with Yakov?” Viktor asked, leaning back as he tapped his finger against the arm of the chair. 

“No.”

“Should I call him?”

“No!” Yurio shouted, looking up at Viktor angrily. “Don’t call him.”

“Why not? If you haven't fought with him–”

“I just don’t want you to call him.” Viktor often meant well but he didn’t always notice the small things. Like how he didn’t notice Yurio trying desperately to stop his hands from shaking or how his breathing was uneven and shallow. Yuuri, on the other hand, noticed all these things. 

“Viktor, can I talk to you?” Yuuri gestured for his husband to follow him back into the kitchen, which the older man reluctantly did. 

“What’s up?”

“Let’s just let him stay for a little.” Viktor looked like he wanted to protest but Yuuri continued, more confident in his words after seeing how torn up Yurio was about whatever was going on. “I think he might just need some time. He’ll tell us when he’s ready.” Yuuri poked Viktor playfully in the stomach, smiling at him. “Sometime your directness does more harm than good.”

Viktor looked like he was going to argue more but instead let out a long sigh, “If you think that’ll be for the best, we can let him stay. But I do want to call Yakov before he calls me shouting about how I stole Yuiro away. I need to at least tell him where Yurio is since I’m guessing he just left without telling anyone where he was going.”

Yuuri nodded, smiling softly at Viktor. Viktor may be dense and not always great at dealing with people in compromised mental states but he was way better than he used to be and he really did try his best. It was one of Yuuri’s favorite things about him. To be fair, a lot of things were ‘one of Yuuri’s favorite things about Viktor’ but his willingness to learn and change was definitely near the top. 

Back in the living room Yurio was petting Makkachin carefully, his face set in a tired frown. 

“Yurio, why don’t you come with us to the rink tomorrow?” Yuuri suggested.

“Really?” For a moment Yurio’s face shined as he looked up at the two older men, but then his face dropped back into it’s normal frown. “Won’t your boss be mad if you bring some random person to practice?”

“Well you’re hardly some random person.” Viktor smiled, “I highly doubt anyone would be too angry about a Grand Prix winner skating with their sons and daughters. And, even if they were, Yuuri and I don’t have a boss.” Viktor threw his arm around Yuuri’s shoulders, his smile widening. “We rent the ice time but the actual coaching is all owned and run by the two of us. It turns out people like the idea of their kids being coached by coaches with seven golds at the Grand Prix and a few Olympic medals between them.”

Yurio was still fidgeting, his eyes darting around the room but never stopping on Viktor or Yuuri. 

“It’s really okay, Yurio.” Yuuri smiled at him this time, and the young man locked their eyes together. For a moment there was silence then Yurio nodded, as if he understood something. 

“Okay… Thanks.”

\---

“You can’t sleep?” Viktor asked, but it wasn’t really a question. Obviously Yuuri couldn’t sleep, otherwise Viktor wouldn’t be talking to him right now. “Are you still worrying about Yurio?”

“And you aren’t?” Yuuri shot back, his mix of sleepless exhaustion and seemingly never ending anxiety making him momentarily snippy.

“Of course I am.” Viktor reached across the small gap between their bodies, fingers lacing themselves into Yuuri’s hand. “I’m just not going to lose sleep because I know he’ll figure it out.”

“You can’t know that.” Yuuri countered, closing his eyes and concentrating only on the small circles Viktor’s thumb was tracing onto his skin. 

“No, but I’m confident he will.”

“Why?”

“Because I did.”

Yuuri opened his eyes, for a moment letting himself get lost in the blue eyes of the man laying next to him. In his eyes Yuuri could see a past Viktor wasn’t comfortable sharing with anyone, one that hurt him. One that that Yuuri wanted to be able to destroy in any way possible, even knowing that even if it were possible destroying your past always did more harm than good. 

“And you did too.” Viktor continued. “We all have our own hardships and we made it through them. We can be here to support Yurio but he always has to resolve this on his own. He’s strong… He’ll figure it out and I’m sure he’ll tell us when he’s ready.”

Yuuri smiled and Viktor thought he could stare at the younger man for an eternity. Yuuri ended up ruining that eternity by snorting out a sarcastic laugh.

“What?” Viktor asked, smiling without meaning to. “I was trying to be inspirational!” 

“It’s just, you’re one to talk. ‘He’ll tell us when he’s ready’? I had to drag you out of the room before so you wouldn’t force Yurio to tell you what was the matter.”

“Hey! I was just trying to be help, then and now.”

“I know.” Yuuri’s smile returned the warm quietness that Viktor loved so much. “I’ll try to get some sleep.”

Viktor nodded and it wasn’t long before Yuuri was asleep, hand still intertwined with Viktor’s. Viktor, on the other hand, stayed up. He was haunted by his own words, not sure whether he had actually made it passed his own hardships or had just swept them under the rug to be dealt with another day. 

He decided to deal with those questions another day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! For now I'm going to have a bit of a weird update schedule but once exams are over it'll even out a little more. 
> 
> Tumblr: mismatched-ideas.tumblr.com


	3. A Lack of Caution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor and Yuuri show Yurio their figure skating class and Yurio makes a new friend. Also, Viktor tries to take matters into his own hands.

It was cold for February and yet it still took more time than strictly necessary to convince Yurio to take one of Viktor’s extra coats. He insisted that he didn’t need it and that it wasn’t that cold but like hell was Yuuri going to let him go outside with the thin jacket he’d arrived in. Especially not when that jacket was still a bit damp

Yurio acted like Yuuri was trying to baby him but all Yuuri was thinking about was how much he didn’t want Yurio to get sick. He’d dealt with Viktor being sick and that had been a borderline nightmare. Who know that someone so sick could be so demanding?

Yuuri did not want to find out what the younger Russian was like when he was sick.

And so he forced the young man to wear another of Viktor’s outfits as well as a coat. Once that ordeal was finished, they were all ready to head out into the cold. The sidewalks were slick in places but for the most part were all cleared, making it easier to walk but also easier to slip on unseen ice. 

Yurio walked a few steps behind Viktor and Yuuri who, much to Yurio’s chagrin, insisted on keeping their gloved fingers intertwined the entire walk. Yurio swore they were the only two people in this entire city who thought walking hand in hand like that was normal.

Yuuri was wearing a warm and puffy coat along with clumsily constructed mittens that Viktor had attempted to make him their first winter in The United States. Viktor was wearing the same brown coat and black gloves he’d worn for years because, as Yurio liked to point out, he hadn't really changed his fashion sense since retiring as a figure skater. 

A lot had changed about Viktor since he retired to become Yuuri’s coach, Yurio knew that for sure. As much as the young blond hated to admit it, retiring might have been the best thing for him. He’d always been good as wearing a smile that was convincing no matter the mood he was in, Yurio was sure he’d learned how to do that at a very young age, but even that carefully constructed façade had started to crack around the edges. Even before Yuuri’s first Grand Prix, even before Viktor started to fall in love with the other man, Viktor’s ability to pretend he was happy and that he had everything he wanted in the world was starting to fail. Yurio may not have completely grasped what he was going through back then, he was more confident that he understood it now, but he had noticed. Everyone who spent time with him noticed. 

He hadn’t just been running out of inspiration in his skating. He’d been running out of inspiration in his life. Viktor had been turning his wheels, attempting to gain some traction and find whatever it was he was missing but to no avail. He didn’t know what he was missing and so he couldn’t fix the issue. 

Now, at least to Yurio’s eye, he was doing better. As much as the young man hated to admit it, like he hated to admit most things, Viktor was happier by Yuuri’s side than he had ever been without him. At least as happy as Yurio had ever seen. Honestly, Yurio hadn’t known the other Russian for all that long and at this point he felt like he knew Yuuri better of the two. 

When Viktor met Yuuri, the younger man had enthralled him. Viktor wanted to know him and in that moment became obsessed. But then Yuuri disappeared back into obscurity for a year and Viktor had to try to move on. And he tried. But he’d started to understand what he was missing in his life and had no way to fill that void. No way to find the love we was missing for so many years. 

Then, as if by magic, Yuuri appeared again. And he didn’t just show up in Viktor’s life, he seemed to be calling specifically for Viktor. And so Viktor responded to that call and was happier for it. They’d gone through a lot, even though their relationship grew so rapidly, and had come out stronger and happier. 

And Yurio was left alone.

The number one thing Yurio hated to admit, even to himself, was how much he’d come to care for Viktor in their short time practicing together. He’d looked up to Viktor and had come to love the man almost as much as he loved his Grandpa. Viktor was like the father Yurio never needed and the brother he never wanted. Viktor had shown up, changed Yurio’s life, and then left him hanging after Yurio had finally felt some sort of bond forming. 

Yurio was always left alone.

“We’re here.” Viktor announced excitedly, snapping Yurio out of the spiral of dark thoughts he’d been caught in. “Today we’re coaching one of the older groups, so you don’t have to worry about being attacked by any children.”

\---

Yurio got on the ice as fast as he could, ignoring the looks of the other skaters who’d already arrived for their lessons. There were far less in the older group since these were the kids who’d decided to try their hand at competitive figure skating. The younger kids were a mixture of those looking to compete, those looking for an extracurricular activity, and those with parents trying to push them into something that looked good on paper. Many of the last two groups would leave when they or their parents realized how dangerous and destructive figure skating could be. And how difficult it was. 

Yuuri and Viktor both noticed one student in particular following Yurio with their eyes, the same student who’d gotten their first win the day before. Yuuri couldn’t remember if he’d ever heard that particular student say anything about being a fan of Yurio’s but it sure seemed like they were. That or they just really found the blond attractive, their stare seeming too intense to be simple interest in his skating which was nothing special at the moment. 

Yurio hadn’t attempted anything even after almost ten minutes on the ice, instead just skating forwards and backwards. He seemed lost in thought, looking like he was trying to decide something. Yuuri hoped he was deciding whether to tell them what had happened.

Yuuri had gone through just about every possibility he could think of which, honestly, weren’t very many. The most worrying thing for Yuuri was honestly the fact that he still hadn’t seen Yurio check his phone or hear him get any notifications. Was it out of power or turned off? Had he just stopped notifications? Yuuri had tempted to check the jacket Yurio had been wearing to check for his phone, but decided that would be too invasive. As much as Yuuri wanted to help, he had to give Yurio room to make his own decisions. 

Everyone seemed unsure about whether or not they should step onto the ice, instead still watching Yurio’s mindless skating. Finally Avery, the student who’d won yesterday, skated out towards the young man. And they skated right up to him, their face set in a determined frown until finally getting Yurio’s attention. 

The blond seemed surprised and a little confused by the interaction, blinking at the young skater as he was pulled out of his thoughts and back into the present. 

After a moment of talking, Yurio’s face softened a bit even if he still did look uncomfortable and nervous. He listened intently to the other skater, who was talking more and more excitedly. Yuuri saw Avery imitate a small movement that he was pretty sure was part of Yurio’s previous Grand Prix short program. Smiling, Yuuri guessed he’d been wrong and Avery really was a fan of Yurio. 

After another moment of talking the frown on Yurio’s face disappeared completely, his cheeks slightly blushed and his head down more than was necessary to look at Avery. Instead it looked a bit like he was trying to hide behind his own bangs, something he tended to do when embarrassed. Avery was still doing most of the talking but now Yurio was responding a little, a small smile on his face mostly obvious because it seemed that he smiled so rarely. He’d started smiling more after his first senior division Grand Prix, even though he didn’t win. After his win last year, he’d started smiling even more. He started smiling more easily, especially when around the friends he’d now made. Grudging friends like Phichit, Seung Gil Lee, Emil Nekola, Leo de la Iglesia, Ji Guang-Hong, and Minami Kenjiro. Close friends like Otabek Altin. 

Otabek… Yurio hadn’t mentioned him once in the last few times they’d spoken. They’d been so close after the Grand Prix in Barcelona and when Viktor and Yuuri visited Russia for Yurio’s 18th birthday Yurio had confessed to Yuuri that he was starting to think he liked Otabek as more than just a friend. At this point Viktor was basically passed out drunk and Yurio was well on his way to being plastered. Yurio had seemed upset by his revelation not just because he didn’t know how to deal with having a crush on his friend but also because he’d never thought he was interested in men. Near the end of the conversation he’d said to Yuuri there were so many things he didn’t understand about himself and that he was confused but no matter how much Yuuri pushed, Yurio had clamed up after that as if he realized he’d been over sharing. 

Yuuri couldn’t be sure Yurio even remembered telling him any of this and so he’d never brought it back up, never wanting to pry to far into the young man’s life. Sure they seemed to Yuuri to be friends, they talked a good amount, but he could never really be sure and he suspected the relationship meant less to Yurio than it did to him.

“Okay!” Viktor shouted, “Time to get started everyone.”

\---

Somehow that night Yuuri was the only one able to fall asleep. It had taken him a long time but eventually he did fall into a deep sleep. Viktor opened his eyes when he heard the man’s breath even out, and was content to look at his husband for a while. He carefully ran a hand through Yuuri’s hair, brushing some of the fringe out of his eyes. 

Yuuri’s face was lit by the light that streamed through their curtains, living in a city made it hard to experience real darkness and the large windows in their apartment didn’t help that fact. He looked peaceful in sleep, at least this kind of sleep. If Yuuri had a list of one hundred things that were his favorite things about Viktor, Viktor’s list of his favorite things about Yuuri was infinitely long and impossible to count. But if he was asked to name just a few of the things he loved about the man who’d changed his life, he would definitely name the way Yuuri looks when he sleeps. Viktor was in no way a religious man, but he thanked god anyways for letting him see Yuuri’s sleeping face. He thanked these gods for a lot of things involving Yuuri, mostly because he saw no harm in doing so. He figured, if there wasn’t a god then talking to nothing wasn’t going to hurt him but if there was a god then maybe he’d score so point with them or at least be allowed to stay with his husband even after they died. 

Viktor heard one of the cabinets creak open then quietly close. This happened a few times before the sound of glass against glass, followed by running water, was heard.

He smiled, and slipped out of bed knowing exactly what he needed to do. He knew Yuuri wanted to be gentle with the younger skater, but this was obviously weighing on him. If there was any way Viktor could protect Yuuri, he’d do it. If that meant confronting Yurio right here and right now, then he’d be more than willing to push the young Russian. 

“Yuri.” Viktor said, easing back into Russian in the hopes that it would make the conversation smoother. “We need to talk.”

Yurio flinched slightly at the dropping of the nickname. He’d become used to the nickname and as long as it was only Viktor and Yuuri who used it he honestly didn’t mind anymore. Instead, Yurio knew Viktor dropping his nickname showed that Viktor meant business. In addition there was the frown set into the older man’s face, the concerned crease in his forehead that had become more and more pronounced as he aged even more obvious now. 

“I don’t think we do.” He retorted, knowing that was a lie. Yurio knew they needed to talk, but he didn’t _want_ to talk. Especially not to Viktor. Viktor could never understand. 

“I’ve said it once already: you’re the one who showed up here unannounced and so I’ll decide the when and what of our conversations.” 

The tone of his voice irritated Yurio to his core, making him feel very much like Viktor was trying to act like his father. It very much sounded to Yurio like he was about to be lectured by someone who really had no right lecturing anyone about responsibility or whatever he had planned. 

“Whatever, old man.” Yurio finished his water and set it down on the counter before walking back towards the living room. He didn’t really think he’d get away with just leaving, but he felt like he needed to try. He needed to try something before Viktor backed him into a corner. Before the haze of panic caused him to lash out.

“Hey.” Viktor grabbed Yurio’s arm but not with any force. Yurio could have gotten away but it wasn’t so much the grip as the blue eyes searing into him which kept the younger man from leaving. “What’s going on with you?”

“Stuff.”

“Stuff?”

“Yah.” Yurio responded angrily, pulling out of Viktor’s grip but not leaving. “Lots of stuff is going on.”

“Are you doing badly in your skating?”

“No.” 

“Then what’s the matter?”

Of course that’s the only thing Viktor would think of.

“You wouldn't understand!” Yurio was barely able to keep his voice to a normal level, wanting to scream and shout and generally act like an upset and spoiled child. 

Viktor crossed his arms, outwardly unfazed by Yurio’s anger. Inwardly, he worried he’d already screwed up this interaction. “Just try me.”

“Why should I?” Yurio asked, crossing his arms in an unconscious mirror of Viktor. “You can’t even deal with your own problems, why should I trust you with mine?”

“I don’t think I follow.”

“Yuuri and I talk more than you probably know. At least every other week.” The younger man couldn’t see any surprise in the other’s eyes but internally Viktor was reeling. “And he’s told me all about how worried you make him. I know this is why you’re here even though Yuuri told you not to confront me. You think you can protect him from his own anxieties but you can’t and you’re a bigger fool than I thought if you think you can fix mental concerns with physical actions.”

“I don't think that–” 

“Sure you do! Everything you do is a physical response. An active response. Yuuri always says how much you’ve learned and how much better you are at helping him through his anxiety but all I hear in the stories he’s told is that Viktor still doesn't know how to think and emote before acting.”

“I don’t know where you think you’re getting all this from.” Viktor put his hands up defensively and laughed, but the sound was shaky and obviously forced. “I never said I was perfect but I try my best.”

“Did you know Yuuri never brings up the past because he doesn’t want to hurt you?” Viktor could only blink in return, “He’s seen how upset talking about things from your past makes you and so he let up and stopped pushing. So I’ll ask you again, why should I trust you with my problems when you can’t even deal with things that happened a decade or more ago?” When Viktor didn’t respond, instead just staring at his hands. “That’s what I thought. I’m going to sleep.”

And Viktor let him leave, unsure of what to say or do. He suspected Yurio knew more about his past than Viktor initially assumed. He also assumed something was going on with Yurio’s family, though he couldn’t say what. Viktor had met Yurio’s grandpa but that was it. He didn’t know much about the man but he seemed relatively young to be the grandpa of a, at the time, fourteen year old. Viktor had no idea if Yurio had other family and if he did, what his relationship with them was like.

Either way, Viktor was more worried about the realization that Yuuri had noticed all of his wrapped up feelings about family and the past. He’d noticed and hadn’t pushed, hadn’t tried to find out what was wrong. Did he really feel so unsure about their relationship, after all these years, that he didn’t think he could ask Viktor anything? Viktor didn’t want to or like to talk about his past, and in that he pretty much included all the time before meeting Yuuri, but if his husband wanted to then Viktor would. He thought he’d shown Yuuri that he could say anything. Did it really bother the younger man so much?

Did Viktor really bother Yuuri that much?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! *waves* Thanks for reading!!!
> 
> I hope you guys know how much you all mean to me! 
> 
> So I've decided to make this a series because instead of bunching all my story ideas into this one fic, I'm going to focus it mainly on Yurio. I am still going to lay the groundwork for the second fic, which I bet you can guess is about Viktor and his issues! Also I'm going to start a fluff fic because I have so many fluffy ideas (this fic was born out of a bunch of fluffy Viktuuri stuff) wouldn't fit into this or the next fic without taking away from what I'm trying to write. 
> 
> Either way, thanks for sticking around. There likely won't be another chapter until after the final episode (crying!!) and I was hesitant to even write this one before episode 12. I feel like we're going to get more information and learn more about Viktor and Yuuri's relationship and so I don't want to go too deep without that. Also one more episode until we find out how canon divergent this fic really is (I'm going to cry no matter who wins but like, ugh, this episode is going to be hard to watch).
> 
> Sorry for rambling, but you guys mean so much to me and I like talking to people! 
> 
> Follow my tumblr if you want a bunch of bullshit!  
> personal: mismatched-ideas.tumblr.com  
> writing(non-fic): an-impersonal-belief.tumblr.com


	4. If You Were To Love Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry. Both for how long this took and for the fact that it is, again, unedited. I swear I'll edit this stuff one day, I just get to anxious reading my own work right after I write it.
> 
> Edit: bloop, I forgot to put a ch summary which WAS supposed to be important. Also I realized I named ch 1 and none of the other ch. I'm good at consistent formatting. Might go back and add ch names...
> 
> Edit Again: What was gonna be a summary I decided to make the ch title. And I did add ch names. This, kids, is why you shouldn't upload things while tired.

Yuuri was pretty sure he’d slept alone last night. Viktor could wake up early if he had to but if there was anything Viktor hated it was waking up early when he could sleep in. On lazy mornings, like this morning, Yuuri was always the first one to wake up. Viktor’s absence on a lazy morning like today told Yuuri he’d left their bed last night and had not returned. 

At this point, Yuuri was used to Viktor’s insomnia but that didn’t make him any less worried about his husband. Usually when Viktor was having trouble falling asleep he stayed in bed and tried to pretend he was asleep, even if Yuuri knew better. It was only when he was really upset, letting something eat at him silently, that he spent the night outside the bedroom. Sometimes Yuuri would find him pacing the kitchen and sometimes he’d be sitting in the living room, staring out their big windows while drumming his fingers against the armchair. Sometimes he’d tell Yuuri what was wrong but usually he just waved his husband away and say that he was just having trouble sleeping, that it was no big deal.

And Yuuri would leave him be. He worried about letting his husband clam up but he also worried that trying to push would just make things worse. And wasn’t that exactly what they were doing with Yurio, letting him be so that he could sort things out on his own? But was that really the best idea? Would that just make what ever was wrong worse?

The smell of eggs wafted into the bedroom and broke Yuuri from his thoughts, a content smile spreading onto his face. Viktor had been a pretty terrible cook when they first moved in together but after many hours and a lot of patience, he was now able to hold his own in the kitchen. He still needed a recipe for everything expect eggs and toast but he at least understand better how to follow a recipe. Even if they were a little burned or weren’t seasoned correctly, Yuuri would always love eating the eggs Viktor made him. 

Yuuri pulled himself out of bed, pulling on an old t-shirt and heading out in to the kitchen. He paused in the entryway to their kitchen, smiling at the sight of his husband at the stove. He was wearing the cute poodle apron Phichit had given them as an apartment-warming gift. He’d also given them a cook book that was obviously directed at Viktor, given it was called “The Easiest Cookbook in the World”. Viktor had been mildly offended and Yuuri was embarrassed, wishing he’d never complained to his best friend about Viktor’s cooking. 

“Morning.” Yuuri walked towards his husband, wrapping one arm around Viktor’s waist while dropping his head onto the taller man’s shoulder. “Couldn’t sleep?”

“No, had to do some thinking.” Viktor said vaguely, leaning his head against the top of Yuuri’s. “Breakfast?” 

“Yes, please.” Viktor put one of his arm around Yuuri’s waist, pulling the younger man closer to his body. “What’s been bothering you?”

“Nothing, really. I just couldn't sleep.” He gave the top of Yuuri’s head a soft kiss. “Did you miss me?”

“Viktor, what’s actually wrong?” Yuuri pushed, though he did allow his husband to trail kisses down the side of his head towards his neck. 

“I just tried to talk to Yurio, but he doesn’t want to talk to me. I was awake thinking about what I’d said wrong.” Viktor’s lips were on Yuuri’s neck, mostly because he wanted them there but also party because he was hoping to change the subject. Or, not change it but stop it all together. He couldn’t worry Yuuri with the stupid thoughts floating around his head. 

“Viktor, really. You don’t need to lie to me.” Viktor turned more towards Yuuri, placing a small kiss onto the other man’s lips. He knew that wouldn’t stop the younger man from this train of thought since he obviously wasn’t ready to drop it but he was ready to try anything. It was funny to him how he’d claimed Yuuri could ask him anything only the night before but now that Yuuri was trying to ask him something, Viktor was shying away from the conversation. 

A cough from behind them allowed Viktor to turn back to his cooking, while Yuuri smiled sheepishly at the blond behind them.

“Good morning Yurio.” Yuuri smiled at the younger man.

“Good morning.” He said gruffly, perching himself onto one of the bar stools while looking only at Yuuri.

“Do you want some breakfast?” Yuuri asked when nobody else spoke, the feeling in the air so oppressively awkward that Yuuri was doubting the implied trivial nature of Viktor and Yurio’s late night conversation. 

“Yes.” He paused then looked at his hands. “Thank you.”

Yuuri looked between the two Russians, concern mixing with annoyance over their childish lack of conversation. Were the two of them really planning to not talk?

\---

Apparently that was exactly their plan. To be fair, they did talk to each other but only in that polite way that you usually experience between two strangers forced to spend time together. After only two days of this act, Yuuri felt about ready to tear his hair out.

“Okay that’s it.” Yuuri barked at Viktor after he said almost nothing about Yurio announcing he was going for a walk. “I don’t know what’s going on between you two but you need to figure it the hell out.”

“Yuuri?” Viktor’s face was painted with surprise at his small outburst. 

“Firstly, go bring that boy a coat because he left without one. Second, you two need to talk. For real. I can’t deal with this cold shoulder thing you’re both doing.” Yuuri crossed his arms, staring at Viktor while the older man didn’t move. “If you don’t hurry up you’ll lose him.”

“Oh.” Viktor felt bad for upsetting Yuuri but he also really didn’t think talking to Yurio was going to do anything. “Are you sure you wouldn’t be better to talk to him. I mean, he likes you better.”

“I’m not asking you to figure out everything that’s wrong with either of you, I just need you two to actually talk about whatever happened the other night.” Yuuri disappeared for a moment before returning with two coats. He pressed them into Viktor’s arms insistently. He also pressed a kiss into Viktor’s cheek. “Viktor you’re a good man but it’s about time you learn how to have a real conversation.”

“Oh.” Viktor said again, standing and walking towards the door. 

He was still in shock from Yuuri’s outburst, since he rarely used that aggressive of a tone, even as he put on his shoes and hurried to the elevators. Vitkor had the distinct feeling he had been one of the main reasons for Yuuri’s recent anxiety, something that bothered him more than anything. Hadn’t he been annoyed that Yurio was causing Yuuri to be stressed? Now it was Viktor doing that exact same thing simply because he was a shallow idiot. 

How could Yuuri love someone so needy? 

Viktor hated to think he’d become one of the sources of his husband’s anxiety. How could he be a good husband if all he was was someone for Yuuri to take care of? How could anyone love him? How was he supposed to help anyone else when he couldn’t even keep himself together?

\---

“Yurio!” Viktor called after the young man as he walked through the door of their apartment building and into the chilly morning. “I brought you a coat.”

“Thanks.” Yurio muttered, putting on the jacket before turning to leave. Viktor caught his arm before he could, keeping him firmly in place. 

“Why don’t we go somewhere else to talk?”

“Why should we?” Yurio refused to look at Viktor. Viktor assumed he was still angry with him but in reality Yurio just had no idea what he was supposed to do in this situation. He’d said some pretty terrible things to Viktor. At the time Yurio was trying to hurt the other man but now he felt bad about it, but not quite bad enough to apologize. 

“I’m sorry for the other night.” Viktor let go of Yurio’s arm, realizing he was doing the same thing he’d done then. “I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

A long silence passed between them before Yurio spoke quietly. “I’m sorry for what I said… I had not right to say that stuff.”

“Okay.” Viktor nodded, both men feeling awkward with their shared apologies since, in the end, both of them were bad at apologizing. 

“Okay.” Yurio returned Viktor’s nod but didn’t move, unsure of what to do next.

“Do you want to talk?”

Yurio thought about what to do. He could say no and walk away but what was the point of even coming all this way if he was just going to push two more people away? Or, he could say yes and maybe Viktor and Yuuri could help him sort out the thoughts that were mixing up his mind. He doubted they could, he wasn’t sure anyone could help him dissect his worried thoughts, but would asking them to help really bring him any harm? 

Yurio knew he could trust them, at the very least. He’d seen how well they treated all their skaters, they were coaches for sure but in some respects acted like parents. Even if he hated when they acted like they were his fathers, Yurio still appreciated the effort they put into making him feel loved. Even if he never wanted to admit it, Yurio appreciated how loved they made him feel. 

“Sure.”

\---

Viktor brought Yurio to some sort of outdoor theater, it was on the water and was a pretty place. Even though it was cold out, both men kept their coats unzipped and the sat with their hands shoved into pockets. The sky was gray and spoke of more snow arriving soon but for now it was simply cold. 

Yurio sat with his legs crossed, staring intently towards the water. Viktor sat next to him, lounging comfortably as he looked between Yurio and the rest of the scenery. 

Viktor wasn’t sure whether to talk or not, since every time he tried to talk to someone he seemed to pick the wrong words. What would Yuuri do?

“You talked to Avery for a while yesterday.” Yuuri wouldn’t skirt around the issue like this, but here they were. 

Yurio nodded, a small smile on his face. “They were nice. They liked my short program from last season.” 

“I never really took Avery as a fan of yours but I must have been wrong.” Viktor laughed lightly, it was the kind of laugh that meant nothing and was more of a place filler. Viktor often used that type of airy laugh to deflect any questions about what he was really thinking or feeling. “A lot of the older kids love you. A lot of them hope you’ll wait to retire long enough for them to be able to skate against you.”

“I never want to retire.” Yurio’s voice was soft. “Skating is the only thing I have.”

“You should keep doing it, if that’s what you love.” Viktor didn’t know what to do with that. He knew that feeling all too well but that didn’t mean he knew how to deal with someone else feeling like that. Hell, the only reason he was able to find a way out of those sorts of feelings was because of Yuuri. “You’ve been having joint practices with Otabek, right?”

“Yah… they’ve been going fine.” Viktor was well aware the two young skaters were close and so he’d expected the mention of the Kazakh man would be a good idea. Instead Yurio seemed sadder. 

“How’s Otabek?” 

“Fine.”

“Have you told him what you told Yuuri? On your birthday.”

“Yuuri told you?” Yurio looked surprised and a little hurt.

“No, I just figured it out.” Viktor pouted slightly. “I’m not completely dense, you know. After your birthday Yuuri kept asking me questions about Otabek and about you guys’ practicing together. When I asked him about what I suspected, Yuuri just wasn’t able to lie.” Viktor smiled faintly. “He’s so good at lying about some things and then others he just falls apart.”

“Oh… well I guess that make sense.”

“So did you tell him how you feel?”

“Not in so many words.” Yurio admitted, “But he doesn’t feel the same.”

“Are you sure?”

Yurio laughed humorlessly. “I’m sure enough. It’s really not that big of a deal…” He uncrossed hiss legs so he could fold them to his chest, arms wrapping protectively around his knees. “I’m acting like a child. I just need to get over him and get back to the relationship we had. He probably doesn’t even know why I’ve been acting strangely.”

“You don’t just get over someone, that’s not how it works.” Viktor knew that for a fact. Sure, he and Yuuri had a happy ending but he’d tried for months to get over him and they hadn’t even known each other. “Especially not when you’re so close to them.”

“I know… Viktor, did you ever worry Yuuri didn’t like you?”

“Everyday, really. When I first left Russia to go be his coach I was so nervous. Then he acted like he’d never met me.” Viktor made a pouty face. “I mean, he didn’t remember meeting me but still. I’ve never told Yuuri but that night I cried myself to sleep. I had to snuggle with Makkachin to calm down enough to fall asleep.” 

“And… did you ever worry about Yuuri not…” Yurio’s face screwed up into thought, like he was trying his best of pick the right words for his question. Viktor couldn’t be sure whether he was trying to hide his real question of if he just didn't want to confuse Viktor. “What if he couldn’t like you?”

“Couldn’t… Oh.” It clicked with Viktor suddenly and all he could do was repeat a small, “Oh.”

“Yah.” Yurio tightened his arms around his knees, looking deeply upset. “It’s not his fault and I shouldn’t cut him off like I did. I just… I’m just…”

Viktor hesitated for a moment before putting his hand on Yurio’s shoulder. “But this isn’t why you left Russia, is it?”

Yurio shook his head while also shrugging. “This was just the first thing, I guess.” 

“Do you want to talk about anything else.” Yurio shook his head. “Yuuri is probably the one you want to talk to anyways.”

“Viktor…” Yurio looked uncertainly at his hands, letting his feet drop to the ground. “Thanks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I say this every time but really, thank you so much for reading!!!
> 
> Man ep 12 killed me. It took me like two weeks to write this because I had to work through my feelings about the ending. I've come to terms with it and have come to love it! But there was a lot of stuff I had to figure out about my feelings, namely expectations v. reality. I had (okay, have) so much invested in this show so my emotions were pretty high and so were my expectations.
> 
> That said, can't wait for s2! Also I heard there might be 6 OVA's for s1??? I'm not sure if this is true but that would be awesome. 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> [Tumblr](http://mismatched-ideas.tumblr.com/)


	5. As Much As I Love My Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Yuuri decides to try and cheer up Yurio by having a movie night. Yuuri and VIktor also learn that Yurio left Russia without telling anyone where he was going.

A ping from Yuuri’s phone caught his attention while he was carefully brushing Makkachin. The dog’s fur was getting terribly knotted but both he and Viktor had been putting off a real brush down for him. Setting down the brush Yuuri grabbed his phone and was glad to see Viktor’s name pop up. It had been a few hours since the two Russian left and Yuuri was starting to worry. 

_Viktor <3_: Hey love. Do you want to get lunch?

 _Yuuri_ : Sry already ate. Did you two work things out?

 _Viktor <3_: Yah we did. I think you should talk to him about family stuff tho

 _Yuuri_ : So you didn’t talk?

 _Viktor <3_: We just didn’t talk about that stuff. I’m not good with all that

 _Yuuri_ : Okay

 _Viktor <3_: Need anything while we’re out?

 _Yuuri_ : Get some popcorn, I think a movie night is in order

 _Viktor <3_: What movie (\^0^/)

 _Yuuri_ : Breakfast club

 _Viktor <3_: Again?

 _Yuuri_ : Yurio loves the movie and so do I. We watched a Disney movie last time

 _Viktor <3_: Okay (/o_o\\)

 _Yuuri_ : You know your puppy dog eyes only work in person

 _Viktor <3_: Okay… see you soon. Love you (>^_^)>

 _Yuuri_ : Love you too \\(^_^)/

Yuuri let out a long sigh, smiling ever so slightly. He really loved his husband and he especially loved Viktor’s love for Disney princesses. Yuuri had no idea where the love stemmed from but anytime Viktor was allowed to pick their movie, Yuuri could bet on it being a princess movie. 

Yuuri let the smile settle on his face, feeling content as he picked the brush back up. Sure there was still a lot to work out with both Russians, but they were closer. Viktor had even admitted he wasn’t good with family stuff, which was an improvement over just refusing to talk about family when it wasn’t specifically Yuuri’s. The both of them were just so bad when it came to talking about how they were feeling. Even when they seemed in tune with what they were feeling, they both were so unwilling to talk about the issue. Yuuri wasn’t perfect, he had times when he didn’t want to talk about what bothered him but he tried. Really, they all tried and that’s what was important. 

But maybe things were going to work out better than excepted. Yurio had opened up to Viktor about at least part of what was bothering him and Viktor seemed to be more willing to open up as well. Things were really looking up.

After sending Viktor after Yurio, Yuuri had started to question his decision. Had he gotten too angry with Viktor? Was this even the right choice or should he talk to both of them first? Maybe they needed a mediator? He’d decided to brush Makkachin mostly to calm his anxious thoughts before they could get out of control. 

His worried had been, thankfully, unfounded. Sometimes Yuuri should really have given them more credit. Viktor was bad at saying the right thing at the right time and he could be dense but when he put his mind to it he was awfully perceptive. Yuuri suspected that quality came from Viktor’s anxious and obsessive need to please everyone and make everyone like him but Yuuri couldn’t be sure. And Yurio wasn’t an emotionally dense sort of person, just a solitary one. He was probably more aware of what he was feeling than Yuuri was, he just didn’t want to talk about it. Yuuri suspected that came from Yurio spending a lot of time taking care of himself but, again, he couldn’t be sure.

Regardless, Yuuri felt happier knowing things were looking up. 

\---

When Viktor and Yurio returned, Viktor’s phone started ringing. He stood from where he was crouched down, petting an excited Makkachin. 

“Yakov.” He mumbled, “I’m going to take this outside.”

“I can–” Yurio started but Viktor waved him off.

“I should have called him days ago. I’m sure he’s going to shout about how I stole you out from under him or something. Honestly, I’m surprised it took him this long to call.” Viktor smiled at Yurio and gave Yuuri a small kiss on the cheek before answering his phone, slipping into Russian as the front door closed.

“I guess I should have called him…” Yurio looked down at the ground, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “I guess I should have told them where I was going.”

“You didn’t tell anyone where you were going?” Yuuri asked, shocked. While he’d suspected Yurio had left with little warning, he assumed he’d at least left a note or sent a text before getting on the plane. Had Yurio’s friends and family in Russia just thought he’d disappeared? “Nobody?”

“Who was there to tell?”

“Yakov? Mila or Georgi or Lilia?” Yurio wouldn’t meet Yuuri’s eyes, his body seeming like it wanted to collapse in on itself. 

“I just… they all would have…”

“Tried to stop you.” He nodded. “What about your family? You didn’t at least leave them a note?”

“My family doesn’t care about me.” He answered, the venom in his voice not purposeful. The anger he felt came from the same source as the misplaced anger he’d directed at Viktor only a few nights earlier. It came from deep inside the darkness he didn’t want to acknowledge. It came from the fact that he constantly felt like a cornered animal, afraid and ready to fight to protect itself. But how could Yurio protect himself when the thing that scared him the most was the confused darkness deep inside him. It was his own mind driving him into a corner and Yurio couldn’t see a way out. 

Yuuri’s face fell and he looked almost like he was going to cry, his mouth unable to form words. At his silence Yurio looked up and his upset look melted into concern.

“No! I’m sorry.” Yurio was fucking up this conversation as much as he’d fucked up his first conversation with Viktor. And every conversation he’s tried to have with people in the past year. He could just never say the right things to anyone. “Please don’t cry.”

“I’m… I’m not going to cry.” Yuuri said, smiling internally at the young Russian’s concern. It looked so similar to the concern Yuuri had seen often on Viktor’s face back during their first season together. “I just didn’t expect that.”

“I’m sorry… that was too strong…” What the hell was he supposed to say? Unsure what to do, Yurio offered up a piece of the puzzle Yuuri was desperately trying to piece together. “Grandpa is in the hospital.” 

“What?” Yuuri stepped closer, putting a hand on Yurio’s shoulder. “Is he…?”

“He’ll be fine.” Yurio sighed. “He’s really going to be okay… it was just the last straw. After Mom moved out of our old house…” Yurio paused, realizing he had shared more than he meant. 

“You’ve never talked about your parents.” Yuuri lead the young man to the living room, forcing him to sit onto the couch. “Why is that?”

Yurio shrugged, defeated and ready to tell Yuuri whatever he wanted to know. He’d already said more than he meant, so why not just lay it all out. And, honestly, Yurio found that Yuuri had a way of pulling words and emotions out of him that he would normally not even acknowledge.

“Guess it never came up. Grandpa pretty much raised me, because my mom was always working when I was young. Then I started skating and I was barely home anymore. I pretty much paid the bills once I started winning so Mom could quit her jobs and rest like she needed.”

Yurio stopped, silence surrounding them both for a long few minutes. Yuuri wasn’t sure whether it was right to push the topic or not, so instead he remained quiet. Sure, he wanted to know more, but if Yurio wasn’t comfortable sharing Yuuri wasn’t about to push this out of him. Yuuri was distinctly aware of how private Yurio was, even if he always seemed so forward, and knew this was already more than he probably felt comfortable sharing. 

“My dad was a figure skater.” Yurio finally restarted, his left fist clenched tightly into a fist while he rubbed his right hand against his jeans. “I only kind of remember him. I remember a blonde man taking me out of my crib as a child and I remember going to a skating competition to watch him. They say I look just like him and that I skate even better. He was killed in a car accident. Mom was hurt in the same crash. It was her hospital bills that forced her to get another job. Because of that Grandpa usually took care of me and he would take me to skate. He paid whatever was necessary to keep me skating. I don’t know if it was for me or if it was because he thought it’s what his son, what my dad, would have wanted.”

Yuuri put and arm around Yurio’s shoulders, pulling him closer. At first the young Russian hesitated but then leaned into the embrace, craving the affection he had been mostly pushing away in the past year.

“Mom is remarrying and moving in with her new husband. She says she doesn’t want to burden me anymore but it feels like she’s leaving me. She says I’m so grown up, says now I’ve become a capable young man but she’s wrong.” Yurio’s words faltered. “And Grandpa says I’ve grown to be just like my dad, a strong young man who he is so glad to have been able to help raise. They’re just so wrong…” 

“Why are they wrong?” Yuuri was having trouble following the young skater’s thought process. It was honestly becoming hard to tell if Yurio even understood his thought process, his words tumbling out into the silent room like they had nowhere else to go. 

“It feels like everyone is leaving me behind.” It wasn’t really an answer to Yuuri’s question but he let it pass. “You and Viktor left Russia and came here. Beka might go back to the rink he practiced at in Canada. Mom doesn’t need me anymore, I’m just a reminder of the man she loved and who died. Grandpa is in the hospital and keeps telling me to just leave him alone and to not worry about him and–” Yurio stood quickly, his voice catching in his throat. 

“Yurio…” Yuuri wanted to do something for him but found himself at a complete loss. He’d never expected this to be what was bothering Yurio. Makkachin seemed equally as unsure, trotting over from his place next to Yuuri so that he stood against Yurio.

“It’s stupid…” He let his hand drop to the dog’s head, mindlessly petting him. “I just can’t let go of this feeling that I’m being left alone.”

“That’s okay. You’re allowed to feel that way.” 

“It’s not even like anyone is really leaving.” Yurio seemed to be working hard to control his voice and breathing. “B– Otabek will probably stay at his home rink since that’s where he’s happiest. Mom just wants me to live my own life. Grandpa wants me to do the same without worrying about him. Hell, you and that old man let me crash on your couch whenever I want to or need it.” Yurio looked out the window for a long moment before turning and smiling at Yuuri, who was unconvinced by the smile. It was the same smile Viktor wore almost constantly near the end of this figure skating career. “I know I’m being silly. This year has been so crazy and everyone just feels so distant.”

“Yurio… are you maybe the one pushing people away?”

His smile faltered and dropped. “I–”

The front door opened and Viktor swept into the apartment in the same loud manner he often used.

“Everything is fine with Yakov now.” He walked into the living room, giving the two other men a thumbs up before leaning down to pet an excited Makkachin. “He was pretty angry but I smoothed it all over.

“Thanks.” Yurio provided, seeming happy for the change of topic. 

“Any time.” Viktor flashed one of his stupid grins that Yuuri loved so much. “You know I love talking to Yakov. Yurio you really shouldn’t leave without telling anyone where you’re going. At least I told Yakov when I left Russia for Japan.”

“Whatever, old man.” Yurio pouted in an attempt to look annoyed but really all it did was make Yuuri think he looked adorable. 

“So when do we start the movie?” Viktor asked, looking at the watch he’d worn since the day Yuuri bought it for him.

“Isn’t it a little early?”

“It’s never too early for a movie.” Viktor smiled wider, surprising Yuuri given he didn’t even like The Breakfast Club. Then again, maybe he was hoping they could finish it early and they’d have time to watch another movie, one that he got to choose. “Let’s set up the blankets.”

\---

They eventually got comfortable, three bags of popcorn poured into two bowls and all the blankets and pillows a person could need. 

Yuuri and Viktor had exchanged a quick glance and silently agreeing to force Yurio to sit between them. Viktor proceeded to lay across both men, which lead to him being knocked off the couch and Yurio cursing at him in Russian.

Eventually Yurio settled at the couple’s feet, wrapped in a giant comforter and leaning against a pile of pillows. Makkachin made himself comfortable in Yurio’s lap, ignoring his annoyed shouts that sent Yuuri and Viktor into a fit of giggles. Thanks to all this, it took them another hour to get the movie started. At this rate they wouldn’t finish the movie until 7:30 or 8. 

Now that everyone was finally comfortable Yuuri shut the lights off and started the movie. Only a few minutes in Viktor had already tipped himself over so his head laid in Yuuri’s lap. The Japanese man was running his fingers carefully through his husband’s hair with one hand and with the other he was rubbing small circles into his back. 

Yuuri tried his best to pay attention to the movie but found his mind wandering. He wished he’d been able to actually talk to Viktor about what Yurio had said to him since Yuuri was having trouble putting together all this seemingly disparate pieces of information. Yuuri was sure that neither him nor Viktor had gotten to the root of Yurio’s problems. There was something about the younger man’s wording that was still nagging at Yuuri but he couldn’t place what it was. 

Throughout the beginning of the movie Viktor and Yurio traded playful jabs. Viktor would make a small remark about the movie and Yurio would answer with some equally small retort. Yuuri would hit his husband softly on the arm to scold him, secretly glad for the distraction from his own concerns. The night seemed pretty lighthearted and Yurio’s voice was no longer tinted with the strain of lying like it had been earlier. 

Eventually Viktor fell asleep, even though it wasn’t even that late, and Yuuri was left to watch the last half an hour or so in silence.

They had finally reached the heavier scene at the end of the movie when all the kids sit around and talk about themselves. Yuuri had always loved the scene since Phichit showed him the movie in college, Phichit had a real love for American 80’s movies, because it really hit him. Especially when he was younger and trying to figure himself out more than he had to now, this part spoke to him. Watching other people, even if they weren’t real, going through the process of finding themselves was meaningful. Yuuri really felt they did such a good job of capturing the feeling of not knowing who you are and not knowing what to do or who you can turn to. It had helped Yuuri to see people struggling with who they were versus who other people thought they were or thought they should be. 

“I have to go to the bathroom.” Yurio announced suddenly. Makkachin made a distressed noise as he was pushed off Yurio’s lap when the young man stood and practically ran to the bathroom. 

Yuuri stirred quickly, almost sending Viktor off the couch, and tried to go after Yurio only to find himself tangled in both blankets and his husband.

“What’s wrong?” Viktor asked groggily, “Where’s Yurio? The movie is still going.”

“I don’t know.” Yuuri was able to untangle himself from limbs and cloth and went after Yurio, who was already locked inside the bathroom. “Yurio? Are you okay.”

There was a long pause before a slightly shaky voice responded. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Yuuri knew there was little chance he was actually okay. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I said I’m fine!” Yurio shouted back at him, shocking Yuuri into silence. It wasn’t that he was unused to the young skater’s shouting, in fact this situation was strikingly similar to the first time the two of them had met, but he wasn’t expecting it at the moment. “I’m just tired.”

“Okay…” Yuuri sighed, wanting to help Yurio but having no idea how to, so instead caved to the unspoken demands. “We’ll let you go to sleep…” It was still much too early to go to bed but Yuuri wanted to allow Yurio some room. He knew from experience that if you locked yourself in a bathroom it probably meant you didn’t want to talk to anyone. “Goodnight I guess…”

There was a long pause before Yurio spoke, barely loud enough for Yuuri to hear.

“Goodnight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, look at me, actually editing this. Okay it's only half edited because I was really more rewriting the chapter (I wrote a majority of it between 12 and 2 AM so it was kind of poorly written). You might not believe this but the text conversation at the beginning of this chapter is actually what took me longest to write. 
> 
> You may have seen that I did some minor edits to formatting (giving chapters names since I sort of forgot I game ch1 a name when I wrote ch2). The name of the last chapter and this one (along with the next chapter) were originally going to be chapter summaries but I changed my mind (because I didn't feel like coming up with ch names. I'm a lazy piece of shit). 
> 
> You may have noticed there is only one more chapter! I was sort of planning this to be 6 or 7 chapters but couldn't decide. I haven't really decided, since I might still have a 7th chapter. It would still be an epilogue so like the actually like the actual story is going to be resolved next chapter.
> 
> Umm... what else? I think that's it for now. Thank you for reading and leaving kudos and comments. 
> 
>  
> 
> [ Tumblr ](http://mismatched-ideas.tumblr.com/)


	6. Would I Learn to Love Myself?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor is trying really hard, too hard, not to screw things up.
> 
> Yurio doesn't like to share, especially when it's personal.
> 
> And Yuuri is worried but also done with dancing around the problem.

Yuuri and Viktor retreated to their room after cleaning up the living room, Makkachin following close on their heals. It was still too early to go to bed, neither of them was particularly tired, so instead that took a seat in the two armchairs they had tucked into the corner. 

The armchairs were well loved, they’d been left by the previous occupants, and would probably need to be replaced at some point but for now they would stay and be even more loved. They were situated so both Yuuri and Viktor had a good view through the window. They were also close enough for the two to hold hands like they were doing now, Viktor rubbing small circles into Yuuri’s skin.

Makkachin had decided to be a lap dog, like he often decided he was, and was awkwardly laying on Viktor while also trying not to sit on him completely. Viktor allowed it because he was used to it at this point. He and Yuuri both were and, quite frankly, both found it adorable.

Viktor finally broke the silence, still unclear about what had happened only a couple of minutes ago. He was finally awake enough that he felt like he could hold a real conversation. 

“Do you know what’s going on?”

Yuuri shook his head, “I’ve been trying to figure it out but… Viktor,” Yuuri turned to look at his Husband, “What did Yurio say to you when you talked?”

Viktor shrugged, trying to think what was important in their conversation. “He’s got a pretty big crush on Otabek and tried testing the waters but Otabek is straight.” 

Yuuri groaned, unable to make any connection between all the bits and pieces of information he had. “There’s something else going on with him but I don’t know what it is and I don’t know how to get him to talk about it.”

“We could just leave him be? That seemed to have worked so far.” Viktor didn’t really want to sit around and wait but obviously the direct route had not worked. He wasn’t stupid and wasn’t about to make the same mistake again unless he really thought it was the only way. 

“I’m just worried…” Yuuri bit nervously at his cuticles, not stopping until Viktor untangled their hands so he could swap his husbands hand away.

“You shouldn’t do that.” The Russia scolded absentmindedly, “What’s still bothering you?”

“There has to be something that connects all of this together.”

Yuuri could see it all clearly in his head. There was a umbrella that was just the “Main Thing” and under that was “Otabek Stuff”, “Mom Stuff”, and “Grandpa Stuff”. Yurio had connected them all together as feeling left behind but he’d pretty quickly worked through those feelings. 

Yuuri was pretty sure Yurio was purposefully pushing people away, even if he was only sure Yurio had been pushing his family away, but that didn’t help him get any closer to the “Main Thing”. 

“What’s the connection between all this?” Yuuri wondered aloud. “There has to be one thing that’s really bothering him that’s somehow connected to everything else.”

“Expectation?” Viktor supplied, his finger once again rubbing circles into Yuuri’s hand. “When I was younger I had a lot of trouble figuring out who I was and who other people thought I was. The expectations for Yurio are different than the ones people placed on me but he still has a lot that’s been put on his shoulders.” 

“That… That makes a lot of sense.” Yuuri smiled at Viktor before his face dropped. “But that still doesn’t explain the Otabek situation.” Yuuri groaned, pulling his hand free so he could rub his face in frustration. “I’m pretty sure Otabek doesn’t expect anything from Yurio but his best. I don’t know how that could be weighing down on Yurio unless he’s been doing poorly in practice.”

“He told me that wasn’t the case.” Viktor settled for simply petting Makkachin now that Yuuri’s hands were busy cradling his face. “And when I talked to Yakov it sounded like while Yurio’s skating has been a bit worse lately it’s more a symptom than a cause. Yakov seemed to think there was something on Yurio’s mind that was distracting him from skating.”

“Well I don’t know then.” Yuuri let his hands drop into his lap. “I give up. I have no idea what’s going on with him.” 

Viktor wanted nothing more than to help Yuuri, and Yurio by extension, but he also had no idea what to do. So instead of responding he sat in silence, staring out the window while his mind turned over the various bits and pieces of what Yurio and Yuuri had told him. 

Even though it had been quick, talking about expectations were really bring Viktor back to when he was seventeen. Honestly, it brought him back to before he was seventeen. He’d spent most of his life under the crushing weight of lonely expectation. It had all come to a head when he was seventeen though and had won his first senior division Grand Prix. 

“Hey, Yuuri.” Viktor turned to look at his husband, but the words fizzled into a small smile. Yuuri had, while Viktor was wrapped up in his own mind, fallen asleep. Even though the younger man had said to Viktor he wasn’t tired, the stress of the past week or so much have weighted on him more than either of them noticed.

Viktor stood quietly and slipped off Yuuri’s glasses, walking to put them on his nightstand and also to pull back the covers on their bed. He returned to his husband, pressing a soft his into the top of his head before picking him up carefully and walking to their bed. Yuuri had a habit of falling asleep accidentally and he could pretty much do it anywhere. Sure sometimes his anxiety kept him up all night and made it hard for him to sleep, but that was usually just related to his competition anxiety. When it came to his general anxiety, long periods of stress and worry often lead Yuuri towards complete and total exhaustion.

Viktor learned pretty quickly that when Yuuri fell asleep like this he was a very deep sleeper. Viktor had also learned that when Yuuri fell asleep while not in bed he tended to drool, which he was doing now on Viktor’s upper arm. Much like Makkachin’s insistence on acting like a lap dog, Viktor found Yuuri’s drooling to be cute and endearing. Viktor found most things Yuuri did cute and endearing. 

Viktor carefully tucked in his husband, bending over to give him another soft kiss on the forehead, before getting into bed himself. It was still early, but maybe sleep was a good plan.

\---

Because they fell asleep early Viktor and Yuuri both woke up surprisingly early. Normally, they’d probably laze in bed as they fell in and out of sleep. Viktor would keep his limbs wrapped around Yuuri and Yuuri wouldn’t move, not wanting to jostling his husband loose. 

This morning was different because they both were keenly aware of the sound of someone quietly opening and closing multiple drawers in the kitchen. They untangled themselves to allow for a quick glance at each other before getting out of bed. Makkachin looked up sleepily from the end of the bed before putting his head back down. 

Viktor pulled a shirt on while Yuuri headed towards their door, he slept in his clothes from yesterday but didn’t seem too worried about that. Viktor thought briefly about how cute he looked in his wrinkled clothes and with his hair sticking messily at different angles. 

“Yuuri.” Viktor hesitated for a moment. “What do we do?”

“I don’t know.” Yuuri turned and smiled at Viktor, his hand on the doorknob. “But we’ll figure it out. All three of us will figure it out.”

Viktor nodded and followed Yuuri out into the kitchen, grabbing onto his hand at the last minute. Yuuri squeezed his hand and looked to see what Yurio was doing.

“Hey.” Yuuri offered, Viktor and him exchanging glances. Yurio was standing still in their kitchen, acting like he’d been caught stealing, with a pen in his hand. “What’re doing?”

“You guys don’t have paper.” He supplied as if that was a explanation. When neither of the older skaters responded, Yurio continued. “I mean, I was looking for something to write on. I found a pen but there’s no paper.”

“And what do you need paper for?” Yuuri asked, but he was already putting the pieces together. Yurio was changed back into the clothes he’d arrived in and his jacket was on. It was warm enough in the apartment that Yuuri doubted he was wearing it because he was cold. Yurio didn’t exactly have a low tolerance for the cold. 

“I… umm… was going to write… I was going to tell you guys thank you for everything.” He bowed his head slightly but Yuuri couldn’t tell if that was a sign of respect or because he didn’t want to look at them. “I should be returning home. Thank you for all of your help.”

Viktor was the first to speak, feeling Yuuri’s hand shaking in his. “Now Yurio, I think you’re getting ahead of yourself.” 

“I should really get back to practicing.” Yurio was definitely hiding behind his bangs, “I’ve spent too much time here already.”

“It’s only been a couple of days, you’re not going to–”

“I really do thank you both.” Yurio cut in. “But I’ve stressed you both too much and should leave.”

“Yurio, we really don’t want you to go. Where are you even going to go?” Viktor was pleading. 

“Back to Russia.”

“Let us take you to the airport then.” 

“No thank you, I can find my way there myself. I’ll text you when I get to the airport and when I get to Russia.”

“Yuri.” Viktor was unsure of what to do, not wanting to push too hard and upset the young man again. 

Yurio started to walk towards the door when Yuuri spoke. Well, more, that he shouted.

“ _You will not leave!_ ” 

Viktor wasn’t sure what Yurio was more surprised by, the loudness of Yuuri’s voice or the fact that he’d spoken in Russian. In other circumstances Viktor might have smiled, his husband had gotten pretty good with his third language. Regardless, Viktor was reeling from hearing Yuuri raise his voice. It wasn’t that he never did, it just always surprised Viktor.

“Now that I have your attention.” Yuuri had slipped back into English, the more comfortable of his two non-native tongues, crossing his arms as he pouted his lips out. He looked more annoyed than when he’d sort of yelled at them yesterday morning. “Are we going to talk or are you just going to push us away too?”

“I don’t want to burden you with–”

“You think leaving without letting us help you is going to make us feel better?” Annoyance turned quickly to a distinctly upset look that Viktor had seen before. It was one that put him on edge because he only usually saw it when Yuuri was on the verge of having a panic attack. Whenever he saw it he was reminded of the times he’d tried his best to help only to fail miserably and make things worse. “If you really think that then you’re an idiot. We’ll be worrying about you everyday if you don’t stay here and talk to us.” His voice was suddenly pleading. “You can talk to us, we’re here for you.”

Yurio turned away from Viktor and Yuuri but didn’t move from his spot. 

“How can I talk to you if I have no idea what wrong with me?” They could both hear the strain in his voice. 

“By talking about it with us. We can figure out what you’re feeling and we can do it together.” Yuuri’s voice and face softened, “That’s what being here for you means. You can’t keep running away from whatever is going on.” 

“I’m not running away.”

“That’s exactly what you’re doing!” Yuuri released Viktor’s hand and walked over to Yurio. He only hesitated for a moment before putting his hand onto the younger skater’s shoulder. “What is really going on? This isn’t about Otabek and this isn’t about your mother and this isn’t about your grandpa. It’s about you and that’s why you’ve been distancing yourself from everyone who cares about you. After I posted that picture of us last night, getting ready to watch the movie, so many of your friends commented saying they were glad you were okay. We’re worried about you and we want to help.”

“I don’t need anyone’s help!” Yurio shouted, anger in his voice but not his posture. Instead he looked defeated, not moving and not attempting to shrug Yuuri’s hand off his shoulder. “I can take care of myself.”

“Yurio…” Viktor spoke softly, his words unsure. “Why don’t we all go sit down and try to talk about this?”

“Don’t want to.” Viktor was almost unable to catch his mumble but understood the context simply based on Yurio’s firmly planted feet. 

Viktor could see Yuuri sigh inwardly, he was too careful to do so out loud while standing so close to Yurio, and then he glanced at Viktor. Yuuri smiled, seeing the dear-in-the-headlights look that Viktor got when he didn’t know what to do and was afraid of hurting someone. In Yuuri’s opinion, Viktor was so sweet he sometimes didn’t think he could be real. Yuuri thought sometimes he was like a concerned puppy, he wanted to help but had absolutely no idea what to do. When it came to Yuuri, Viktor was confident enough to ask what Yuuri needed but when it came to other people he had no idea. The first time Yuuri had seen this face, not counting the one time it was in response to him, was when Phichit showed up looking for comfort after his first, and so far only, breakup. Viktor had made tea and handed it to Phichit but after that he just stood in the corner of the room looking extremely uncomfortable and nervous. 

Yuuri used his head to call Viktor over before spinning Yurio around with carefully measured force. Caught off guard, Yurio looked only momentarily shocked before his face dropped into a stern look that spoke of a concerted effort to keep himself from crying.

“You’re allowed to be upset.” Yuuri told him, wrapping his arms around Yurio. “And you’re allowed to be confused.” Viktor joined them, pausing before Yuuri made quick eye contact with him. Seeing an invitation in Yuuri’s eyes, Viktor also wrapped his arms around Yurio. “And Yuri, you’re allowed to cry when you’re upset and confused and scared.”

Yurio buried his face into Yuuri’s shoulder, muttering out something about not being upset before deciding the façade wasn’t worth it.

“I just want to know what’s wrong with me.” Yuuri could feel tears starting to soak into the thin t-shirt he was wearing and both he and Viktor could feel the young Russian was shaking. Yurio wrapped his arms suddenly around Yuuri, clutching onto the back of his shirt. “I want to know why I have no clue who I am.”

“Why do you think there’s something wrong with you?” Yuuri’s voice was smooth and soothing. Slowly he began to rub circles into Yurio’s back, Viktor repositioning his chest to allow for the motion.

“When I was younger I never cared about stupid stuff like gender and sexuality.” His words were a bit hard to understand now, his tears coming down more rapidly and his breathing becoming more irregular. “Now I can’t stop thinking about it and I just keep finding myself completely lost and confused.” He took a deep, shuttering breath before continuing. “I’m okay not labeling who I like. It’s fine. I like Beka. I’ve liked other guys and other girls. I don’t mind if it’s not labeled.”

“Okay.” Yuuri didn’t stop rubbing Yurio’s back even as the skater got more in control of his breathing. “That's a big step to make, especially on your own. But you don’t have to work out these things on your own.”

Yurio sniffled a little before speaking. “I was fine with how I was, how I looked, before. Then I got taller and my voice got lower and things changed. When I looked the mirror I didn’t know who I was anymore. Everyone said that ‘now you’re a man’ but I’ve never felt like that.”

“Oh…” Yuuri blinked a few times, trying to gather his thoughts. This hadn’t been what he expected, if he was honest, even though now it seemed like it should have been obvious. Awkward, but of course well-meaning, Yuuri continued falteringly with a question. “Well… so… you’re a woman then?”

Yurio’s head was shaking against Yuuri’s shoulder. “I don’t know… I thought maybe that was it but it still didn’t fit. It still didn’t feel right.” Yurio pulled away from the hug just enough to look at Yuuri with watery, red eyes partially covered by long blond bangs. “What’s wrong with me?”

Yuuri put a hand on the back of Yurio’s head, pulling their head back down into his shoulder. “Nothing, nothing is wrong with you. Don’t let anyone tell you there’s a single thing wrong with you.”

Yurio was crying again, but this time the tears were slower and more controlled. 

“Hey, Yurio why don’t you stay here for a little longer.” Yuuri looked up at Viktor and smiled, both of them thing of the same young skater. “There’s someone I think you would like to talk to…” Yuuri smiled wider, thinking of how much sense it made that Avery was a fan of Yurio. Of course they’d be attracted to someone who skated as androgynously as Avery strived to. “Well, talk to again I guess.”

“Okay.” Yurio sniffed again and looked at Yuuri then Viktor before giving them a tired, but genuine smile. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GAH!!! Thank you for sticking around this long!
> 
> I had so much fun writing this even if it stressed me out a lot (because everything stresses me out haha) and the response from you guys was so lovely! I'll be 100% real with you and say this chapter didn't come out exactly how I wanted but my original plan for it just didn't fit so I went with my best next plan. 
> 
> I'm going to go back some time soon and edit all these chapters. It'll mostly be small edits (typos and the like) with the biggest changes being maybe adding a sentence here or there, mostly because I'm stupid so don't write with an outline and so sometimes my earlier chapters don't mesh as well as I want with later ones. Also the aforementioned typos are a real problem (why did nobody tell me I had a typo in the first sentence of this fic???) 
> 
> So for now I'm saying this fic is done but I might write an epilogue. I haven't decided yet because I sort of want one but am not sure what it would be. Either way it would be short and would either chronologically take place right after this chapter or it would take place months in the future. I'm just not super happy leaving the story off there, it feels a little unfinished to me, but I also have issues sometimes with wrapping things up so I don't want to keep going for too long.
> 
> After this fic I'm hoping to have two more in this series, one dealing with the touched upon Viktor angst (wow family angst with viktor, so original me). The other would be a bunch of unrelated fics that would be 9/10 fluff and 1/10 things mentioned in this (and the other) fic that are no explicitly talked about. Like Phichit's breakup and Phichit buy that apron for these two lovebirds (I just want excused to write about Phicit I love him). 
> 
> Okay, speaking of not knowing went to stop writing, I'll stop rambling now. Wow, this is more than I meant to say. 
> 
> As always, you can find me on my tumblr where I post way too much yoi shit! And feel free to message me, I always love chatting with new people! 
> 
> Thank you for reading and leaving kudos and comments. 
> 
>  
> 
> [ Tumblr ](http://mismatched-ideas.tumblr.com/)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> P.S. Averi's full name is Averi Plot-Device Foreshadowing


	7. Endings Make Great Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An epilogue of sorts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried my very best to work through my intense writers block related to this fic to come up with this. It's not where I'd like it to be, if I'm honest, but it's the best I've got. Also I didn't edit this AND wrote it while half asleep. I hope you enjoy all the same.
> 
> 2/27/2017 - Edits done! Well, I'm sure there are still typos and edits that could be made but like it's better.

Yuuri sighed, setting his bag down before he sat to take off his shoes and jacket. It was April and yet it was still cold enough out that he needed to wear a coat though, truthfully, it wasn’t that bad out. Nothing like the first winter he and Viktor were living in the city. That winter had been brutal and even Yuuri’s time in Russia had not prepared him for when their heat went out. With the huge windows in their apartment, the temperature had dropped fast. It had taken their landlord all of a day to get it working again, for the price of rent Yuuri thought it should have been faster but he wasn’t going to say anything, but that night had been cold.

So this wasn’t that bad in the grand scheme of things but it was April and Yuuri wanted it to be spring already.

“Hey Makkachin.” Yuuri said as the brown poodle trotted over to greet him. “Where’s your other dad?”

He just continued to wag his tail and Yuuri sighed, giving the dog some head rubs before standing and checking first for his husband in the living room. It was late, around midnight. Private lessons were a must for the older skaters and with Viktor too tired to coach tonight, they’d taken much longer. On top of that, Yuuri had been invited to dinner by a couple of the rink workers and they’d gone somewhere on the other side of the city. Then the train was late, adding time to an already long subway trip home. Viktor and Yuuri rarely went to bed without the other and so even given the late hour it was not surprising when Yuuri found Viktor laying on the couch, book fallen on the floor and reading glasses askew. 

Yuuri’s face softened, a small smile crinkling his eyes as he spent a few moments just watching his husband sleep. 

In Yuuri’s opinion, the reading glasses Viktor wore looked great on him. Most things looked great on Viktor in his husbands most expert opinion. Even though Yuuri assured him time and again that he loved how the glasses looked, Viktor was still extremely self-conscious about wearing them. Yuuri suspected it was because he’d only started needing them recently and so Viktor felt it was a sign that he was old. It was one of the few things Viktor was self-conscious about and he was so to the point where he refused to wear them when anyone else was around, even Yuuri. 

“Viktor.” Yuuri was about to shake him awake so he could make sure the other had eaten dinner but paused when Viktor’s phone lit up. Glancing at it Yuuri saw it was in Russian. While he was getting pretty good at speaking Russian, he still had a lot of trouble reading it. What he could tell was that it was a text message from Yurio. Yuuri’s own phone buzzed in his pocket and when he pulled it out he saw it was also a message from Yurio, this time in English. 

_Yurio_ : I just landed. Grandpa is out of the hospital and came to pick me up. Having breakfast with him and Mom tonight and will talk to them. Beka insisted he was going to visit soon so I’ll talk to him too.

After a moment another messaged came in.

 _Yurio_ : Thanks

Avery had been more than willing to chat with Yurio and had given him – them, Yuuri corrected himself ¬– a couple of resources to help. Yuuri had taken a picture of the two of them, posting it on Instagram to the delight of many strangers. Just remembering the genuine smile that Yurio had on their face made Yuuri smile. 

Yurio had left them without all that much closure, saying there was still a lot to think about, but Yuuri and Viktor both felt much more confortable letting the young skater leave. They both could tell Yurio was ready to go home and ready to start having some serious conversations with the people in their life that really mattered. 

Yuuri dropped onto Viktor’s lap, lacing his arms around the older man’s neck. Viktor’s eyes fluttered open, sleep still clinging to his every motion and thought. After a moment he noticed Yuuri was looking at him with his eyes half closed and a smirk on his face.

“Yuuri?” Viktor felt himself blushing, even at 31 he reacted like a teenager to flirting when it was directed at him. 

Yuuri tried to hold himself together long enough to say something flirty but burst into laughter instead. “I was going to say something about trying to wake you up gently. But you’re blushing so hard.” He learned forward and kissed the tip of Viktor’s nose. “You’re really too cute.”

“Did practice go well? Sorry for leaving you on your own.” Viktor leaned his head forward so their foreheads were touching. “I was really tired.”

“It went fine. I can coach just fine myself.” Viktor looked a little put off so Yuuri smiled and pecked a kiss onto his lips, “But I do like it better when you’re there.”

“I like coaching with you too.”

“Yurio’s back in Russia.” Yuuri leaned back but didn’t get off of Viktor, comfortable lounging on top of his husband for the time being. “Do you think everything will work out?”

“He–” Viktor paused, making a face to himself. It had been so easy with Avery because they’d arrived already confident with their pronouns so Viktor never expected to have any difficulty this time around. He hadn’t thought about the fact that he’d known Yurio for years. “They’ll be fine. At the very least they have us for support. I highly doubt Nikolai or Yurio’s mother would be unsupportive.” With a laugh he added, “Otabek doesn’t seem to care about much other than whether or not you’re Yurio.” 

Viktor coughed a little, Yuuri leaning away from his husband in the hopes he wouldn’t get whatever was tiring Viktor out so much.

“Did you eat? I had dinner so I hope you weren’t waiting.”

“No, I ate.”

“Then why don’t we get to bed.” Yuuri smiled softly, “You look pretty terrible.”

“Thanks.” Viktor tried to look offended but smiled instead, “Sleep sounds good.”

 

Breakfast was a quiet affair at first, with Yurio’s mother and grandpa seemingly unable to properly start up conversation.

“Those two you stayed with are good people.” Nikolai finally said, looking intently at Yurio. Yurio refused to make eye contact with anyone at the table, opting instead to look at really anything else. “You know they remind me very much of two of my son’s friends–”

“Can you please stop comparing me to him?” Yurio asked quietly.

“What?” Nikolai didn’t look particularly annoyed that he’d been interrupted, instead looking confused by Yurio’s request. 

“You always do it. You both do.” Finally the young skater looked up, making eye contact first with their mom and then Nikolai. “I’m not him. I’ll never–” Yurio took a deep breath to calm their nerves. “I don’t want to be him.”

“I’m sorry.” Yurio’s mom put a hand on the blond’s shoulder. “We never meant to make you unhappy.”

“Yurochka.” Nikolai wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen Yurio look so unsure. “You know we never mean to hurt you. We both love you.” He paused before continuing, “I hope you know you can tell us anything.”

Yurio let silence stretch between the three of them before taking a deep breath and closing their eyes for a moment. “I do have something I wanted to talk to you guys about.”

Yurio’s mom nodded for Yurio to continue. “We’re here to listen.”

“Where should I even start?” Yurio asked, mostly to themselves.

Even if it was rhetorical, Nikolai provided a helpful answer. “How about the beginning?”

Yurio smiled, anxiety running rampant in their chest but even so they had the distinct feeling that things might actually work out.

“Well, then, why don’t I start from the year before my third senior Grand Prix final?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around everyone. I really did try my darnedest on this but... well my brain was not helping at all. At some point I will go back and edit this fic since I think I edited a single chapter of this before posting. For all intents and purposes this fic is complete because I just don't think I'll have anything better for an ending any time soon. For now I'm going to move onto my next fic which is still within this universe and happens pretty much right after this one ended. I'll most likely put bits and pieces of what's going on with Yurio into that one that will hopefully do a better job of closing this out than I did. I've just got the dreaded Stephen King Block aka the "I can't even anything for the life of me" block. I'm also really tired and belligerent right now so I said "Fuck it!" and went with this. Okay, I'll stop rambling and let you continue on with your day!
> 
> Thank you for reading and leaving kudos and comments. 
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